Ranking This Season's Phillies Giveaways
Phillies single game tickets went on sale today, which means fans will be looking for the best matchup, or which games have the best freebies. The promotion schedule this year ranges from the usual shirts and hats to a flash drive, some shit you can probably get at Five Below, and more. Let’s rank them.
A few notes: These rankings only include giveaways with pictures. We can’t rank the Mike Schmidt bobblehead, or the Star Wars Night/Pride Night/Oktoberfest/Grandparents Day giveaways if we can’t see them. Also, some of these are Theme Night giveaways, which mean you have to purchase a special ticket and the giveaways are limited.
And now, the rankings:
26. Phone Wallet
Wednesday, April 12 vs. Mets
I got one of these for free from Uniqlo. They’re garbage.
25. Tech Kit
Monday, May 22 vs. Rockies
Hey cool, a Phillies logo on a bunch of junk you can get a Five Below!
24. Fightin Phils Hat
Wednesday, May 24 vs. Rockies
I don’t know how else to say this: This is a terrible hat. The small, side logo thing is very 2009, the font isn’t even team related, and this is just a drawing. You know it’ll look worse in person.
Kyle: I don’t hate it!
23. Flash Drive
Friday, May 5 vs. Nationals
No.
22. MLB Network Tote
Wednesday, June 14 vs. Red Sox
Now a yearly standard, the MLB Network tote gets no real update but it’s a solid design.
21. Texting Gloves
Tuesday, April 25 vs. Marlins
I have never met a pair of texting gloves that work they way they’re supposed to.
20. Italian Heritage Hat
Friday, July 28 vs. Braves
Another absolutely terrible hat. You can get it for free (with a Theme Night ticket) from the Phillies, or at any garbage boardwalk store at the shore this summer.
19. WB Mason Truck
Saturday, June 17 vs. Diamondbacks
A standard at this point, but I guess the kids like them.
18. Stitch n’ Pitch Hat
Wednesday, August 23 vs. Marlins
The Theme Night giveaway on Stitch n Pitch Night. It’s fine and all, but can’t you stitch one yourself at Stitch n Pitch Night? Isn’t that the whole point of Stitch n Pitch night?
17. Red Goes Greek Hat
Monday, April 10 vs. Mets
A nicely designed hat that will wind up on top of a keg pump sometime soon.
16. Phanatic Book
Saturday, May 6 vs. Nationals
Phanatic kids books are no joke.
15. Charlie Brown Bobble
Wednesday, July 5 vs. Pirates
We don’t have a look at the Mike Schmidt bobble yet – and there are none for current players – but this is a pretty sweet retro design. Wake me up when the bobble engineers find a way to make an Odubel Herrera bat-flip bobble bat figure.
14. Phanatic Solar Bobble
Sunday, July 30 vs. Braves
The belly jiggles. It’s funny.
13. Phanatic Clock
Sunday, August 27 vs. Cubs
Kids get all the good shit, part 1.
12. Maikel Franco Batting Gloves
Sunday, June 4 vs. Giants
Part 2.
11. Class of 2017 Shirt
Tuesday, May 9 vs. Mariners
Only a couple of years ago – going back to the plain-font BASEBALL opening night shirts – giveaway shirts were as bland as they could be. They’ve improved by leaps and bounds in recent years, and this is a nice shirt for the teen in your life. Wait….no.
Kyle: I have no idea why Jim is listing items he doesn’t like in his top 10. None.
10. Mom Tote
Sunday, May 7 vs. Nationals
Moms loves totes. It’s a scientific fact.
9. Phanatic Hat
Sunday, April 23 vs. Braves
Nothing special, but holy hell I’m just so glad these will cut into the sightings of those big fluffy, floppy, Phanatic monstrosities.
8. Salute to Veterans Hat
Tuesday, July 4 vs. Pirates
My main issue with the camo used on Memorial Day and Fourth of July uniforms is how forced it is. It never works with the team’s color scheme, it’s cheesy, and it feels heavy-handed. But by simplifying this hat, giving it a different brim than the on-field versions, and (undoubtedly) making it from lower quality materials, it becomes easier to wear. It’s not all stuffy and stiff like the fitteds can be, and the lighter camo with the simple red logo on the front works really well.
Kyle: I had brim piping. Hate it with fire.
7. Scouts Night Patch
Tuesday, April 11 and Wednesday, April 12 vs. Mets
I did not know Scout Night was a thing, and this patch only goes to scouts who show up to the games in uniform, but look at that design. Crossed bats with marshmallows roasting over a big bonfire? When it comes to actual design, it may be the best item on this list.
6. Nurses Night Scrubs
Friday, May 5 vs. Nationals
There’s… something sexy about this?
5. Jackie Robinson Shirt
Friday, April 21 vs. Braves
I’d prefer the colors be a little more Phillies themed – the everyone wearing 42 thing is about Robinson’s league-wide impact – but it’s still a great looking shirt. Might be number one if it didn’t look like a goddamn Mariano Rivera shirsey from the back. Blame the Yankees.
4. Kids Hoodie
Sunday, April 9 vs. Nationals
This hoodie, with the Doc Bresler’s sleeve logo, is once again only for kids. But I do love Aaron Nola modeling a sweatshirt that is being given out to children, and that sweatshirt even being a little big on him.
3. Kids Retro Pullover
Sunday, July 9 vs. Padres
Seriously, kids get the best shit. It’s making me mad.
2. Opening Day Knit Hat
Friday, April 7 vs. Nationals
The Phils have given out a handful of these over the years, but this is the best one yet. There was a Cabrini College sponsored one I got a while back, and while taking it off, the whole pom on the top just popped off in my hand. This better be higher quality.
1. Hawaiian Shirt
Sunday, June 18 vs. Diamondbacks
Moms love totes. Dads love Hawaiian shirts. I love the world’s oldest looking 25-year-old, Tommy Joseph, modeling this sweet baby blue number. Pat Burrell eat your… heart… out.
