I think I’ve counted five camera shots of Amir Khan during the first half of the McNeese State/Purdue game. When you’re down 18 at halftime and shooting 30% from the field the announcers probably aren’t going to have anything to compliment you on so instead the producers fill time reacting to your viral student manager. He’s now sitting next to Spike Lee. Am I the asshole for being annoyed with all of this is?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not Khan’s fault. I’m always team “Get the bag.” Capitalize on your 15 minutes of fame. This is what March Madness is all about. It’s about Jack Gohlke getting TurboTax and merch deals after upsetting Kentucky. It’s DJ Burns Jr. last year getting the bag when the entire city of Raleigh wants to come meet him at a Bojangles. It’s not his fault every single reporter wants to talk to him and every single pre-game broadcast has to shove him down our throat. A chubby middle eastern kid with glasses and a great smile is branding gold! But like this guy is too popular that he can’t do his job? He can’t hand out water? He can’t wipe up a wet spot? Get someone a towel?

Apparently he’s got three security guards and one of the assistant coaches is handling his NIL deals in between game planning for Purdue:

How many 17s did Amir run in practice? How many 6 a.m. workouts did this guy participate in? I want his squat press PR stats right now? I don’t want to diminish the student manager, they work hard, have long nights, and typically don’t get a tenth of the pub the players get. But I’d be kind of be annoyed if I just went through a grueling basketball season, won 28 games, upset Clemson for our first Tournament win in school history, and all people want to talk about is the student manager making six figures more than me and all the cheerleaders wanting to fuck him:

What happened to, “If they kept manager stats for rebounding and wiping up wet spots on the court, I’d put up Wilt Chamberlain numbers“? What happened to the aura we originally fell in love with. You think Wilt let his teammates handle the rest of the season after scoring 100 points and Chuck Taylor started calling? No. He kept averaging 50 and 25 the rest of the season. Now this guy looks like a NASCAR jumpsuit with the amount of brands signing him. Grab a Gatorade bottle! Grab a rebound! That’s what people want in their influencers! A guy who’s making the bag but still pretends he’s a hero to the working class! Not the guy hamming it up with movie directors and sitting comfortably courtside.


UPDATE: Hand up. I’m a hypocrite:

I totally forgot I said this on the March Madness Diner Stream Thursday. Probably the brain fog from the pancakes. Don’t get me wrong I called this perfectly. The Kelce Effect will be studied in schools one day. Just didn’t think I would be the one doing the exact thing I said was going to happen.