Kids these days will never experience the joy of Backyard Sports. Sure, they have 8K graphics that would make 10-year-old me absolutely shit, but there was something about watching a pixelated Pablo Sanchez take it to the house that you just can’t describe. Apparently Jason Kelce has explored buying the Backyard Sports franchise and reviving it:

Currently it’s owned by some European investment company, according to Wikipedia. I’d start WW3 over it if Jason Kelce needs me for backup.

Backyard Sports was goated. Backyard Baseball, Football, Soccer, Basketball, and Hockey. They couldn’t miss. Pablo Sanchez was the greatest sports character in the history of video games. I’m talking Mike Vick Madden 2004 and Jon Dowd MVP Baseball 2005 level. Line him up at running back, have him bat lead off, play point guard, striker, left wing. It didn’t matter. Pablo Sanchez made Deion Sanders look like Colonel Sanders. I’m still the Bill Belichick of Backyard Football with my resume of nine straight Super Colossal Cereal Bowls with the Humongous Melonheads. We’d line up Brett Favre at QB, Pete “Uh Can I Play?” Wheeler at RB, Pablo Sanchez and Jerry Rice at WR, and Keisha Phillips playing both sides of the line. Like the 18-1 New England Patriots. I’d just call “Lunch Pail” 60 times a game and mix in a “Hocus Pocus” and “Sonic Boom” and it was curtains for the other team by the second quarter.  Meet me in the Dmitri Dome or on Sandy Flats. It doesn’t matter, I’m still waxing that ass.

 

If Kelce does buy the game back, I’m going to need him to replace Sunny Day’s buffoon of a partner, Chuck Downfield. You think Tony Romo stinks? Try listening to Chuck Downfield when you’re losing. My 8 year old blood would boil every time my QB took a sack and that dolt would say, “That was a good decision to hold onto the ball and not force something.” No it wasn’t Chuck! I just clicked the mouse 17 times for Favre to hit Sanchez down the sideline and the god damn game glitched! Sidenote: Chuck would’ve loved Carson Wentz.


The only thing Backyard Sports was never able to figure it out, and what was probably their downfall, was multi-player mode. The fights I’d get in with friends because only one of us could play at a time led to multiple calls to my parents to come pick me up. Great times.