Stay calm. I’m sure this is a mistake.

They probably just have to dot some i’s and cross some t’s with Hatfield Meats. But the Phillies released their promotional schedule and there are no Dollar Dog Nights on it at the moment. I’m not nervous. But I’m kind of nervous. If anyone in this town would overreact to something getting a little bit out of control, it would be the Phillies. I’m apparently on some banned list that doesn’t let me go to Phillies-related events because I called the Senator’s office and wanted them to bring back more DDNs a couple of years ago. Can you believe that? Expelled for spreading happiness? Full price dogs? In this economy? Is Yoshi Yamamoto a Phillie if there’s one less DDN last year? Who knows! Maybe he’s here if they added one more to the 2023 schedule.

And listen, did they get out of hand last year? Maybe:

But lets not act like the Phillies don’t have blood on their hands. Was the food fight a product of Dollar Dogs? Or lines that stretched the entirety of the concourse, and people were fed up because the Phillies don’t take cash anymore and make people do credit card transactions for every $2 purchase?

And I don’t want to hear that Phillies fans did this. Or Phillies fans ruined it. Because throwing hot dogs during Dollar Dog Night isn’t anything new. They’ve been doing it since 2008 and probably before. The only reason it’s a problem now is because people are catching it on their cell phones instead of their Dolbys. You can’t ban something Philly has such a rich history of:


@bbldoesntexist

Which Dollar Dog Night story is your favorite? #mlb #baseball #baseballdoesntexist #philly #philadelphia #phillies #hotdog #hotdogs #dollardognight

♬ original sound – Baseball Doesnt Exist

Why don’t we just start taking down statues of William Penn if that’s the case?

So I’m gonna need an announcement from the Phillies, and soon. Don’t make me call the Senator. It is an election year…

MLB already robbed us of a chance to make Dollar Dog Night history with the pitch clock. Don’t let the Phillies rob our joy:

Here’s the list of promotions so far:

  • Opening Day – 3/28
  • McDonalds Opening Night Shirt – 3/30
  • Greek Night – 4/1
  • Asian Pacific Heritage Night – 4/11
  • Scouts Night – 4/12
  • Autism Awareness Day – 4/14
  • Jackie Robinson Day – 4/15
  • Scouts Night – 4/19
  • Phanatic’s Birthday – 4/21
  • Teacher Appreciation Night 5/3
  • Mother’s Day – 5/5
  • Nurses Night – 5/7
  • Bryson Stott Bobblehead – 5/17
  • Salute to Service – 5/18
  • Youth Baseball/Softball Celebration – 5/22
  • Pride Night – 6/17
  • Cole Hamels Retirement Night + 2009 NL Champs Replica Ring – 6/21
  • Riley Green Postgame Concert – 6/22
  • Father’s Day – 6/23
  • Fireworks – 6/27 – 6/28
  • Margaritaville Night – 7/9
  • Trea Turner Bobblehead – 7/26
  • Kaskade Postgame Concert – 7/27
  • Wall of Fame Night – 8/17
  • Alumni Day – 8/18
  • Latino Family Night – 8/27
  • Seniors Stroll the Bases – 8/28
  • Fan Appreciation Night – 9/25