The Coronavirus won’t be affecting this tournament.

It’s Crossing Broad’s “The Worst of Philadelphia, 2020 Edition,” and we’re down to 12 contenders after the first round of voting wrapped up this past weekend.

It’s a stacked field this year, with truly hideous entities like the Philadelphia Parking Authority and the city wage tax vying for the title of King Nothing, which was a good Metallica song back in the day, even if that album kind of sucked.

Up first, it’s the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED champion of the world, the Schuylkill Expressway, taking on the #4 seed, “finding a parking spot” –


No surprises here. The Expressway choked out its opponent and restricted its movement, forcing it to five miles an hour coming around the Conshohocken curve.

In the second matchup of the day, it was a newcomer to the competition, the sugary beverage tax, vs. pot holes and sink holes:

Big win for potholes and sinkholes. This was an unexpected blow out. I guess people aren’t worried about the sugar tax, or they’re just not buying any soda these days. Easier to avoid than a huge hole in the middle of the road.

Our third contest featured one of the favorites to win it all. It was the #1 seed city wage tax vs. the #4 seed, the conflict between Mayor Kenney and the Mummers:

An easy win for the city wage tax, which unjust and cruel.

As bad as the Mummers/blackface/Froggy Carr/Kenney stuff has been, it did not stand a chance against one of the most universally hated things in the city of Philadelphia.

Finally, the evening matchup featured two newcomers, the #2 seed, “arguing about the Flyers on sports radio,” vs. the #3 seed, Wawa haters (like Kyle Scott and Russ Joy) –

Strong rebuke of the Wawa haters. These people complain about the quality of the deli meat, but you don’t go to Wawa looking for five-star dining. You go for the convenience and familiarity. Kyle and Russ have incredibly poor Wawa takes.

Voting continues tomorrow on my Twitter page, but for now here’s your updated bracket after round one: