Here are some next-gen stats you can only find here at Crossing Broad. The Eagles are 2-0 since Big BIC Nick* shaved his head:

Who would’ve thought all the Eagles needed was for the Head Bald Coach to shave his head in a panic(?) move to get the season under control? If I told you they had more total yards against the Browns on offense than they did against the Giants you’d think I was on something right? Well I’m not because they had 372 compared to 339 Sunday. Did they play a full four quarters against the Browns? Sure. But it’s still like Nick Sirianni shaved his head and all of the bad things we criticized him about went away with his hair follicles. The offense is humming right now. It seems like he’s letting Jalen Hurts and Kellen Moore play their brand of football. They just scored the second most points this season. It’s even more impressive when you think about the fact that this team is basically playing three quarters of offense every single game because they refuse to score in the first.

Sirianni mentioned they just had their best week of practice this season. Hmmmm. Probably because people respect bald guys. Jeff Bezos, the Dalai Lama, and Michael Jordan. All shaved their heads. Stone Cold Steve Austin wouldn’t even have a WWE career if he never shaved his. Walter White would’ve just been another chemistry teacher with cancer. It’s like there’s this magical power that changes a person’s chemical makeup when they finally get the courage to cross the bald side. If the Eagles go into Cincy as underdogs and win, the same people who were crushing Sirianni last week will have no choice, but to sing his bald praises. How long until the razor endorsements start flowing in? Before or after they get to 6-2? We’ll start seeing Nick Sirianni Manscaped spots in the middle of Jason Kelce’s Buffalo Wild Wings and Wawa commercials. There are going to be so many ads with Eagles propaganda in this country other fans are going to start thinking North Korea is more bi-partisan.

It’ll be the best commercials an Eagles coach has been a part of since Chip Kelly:

*Big BIC Nick is the nickname I’ve settled on right now. I’m not in love with it, but I’m a sucker for a play on words. I’ve been wracking my brain for hours for a better one. If you got any email me or hit me on Twitter. (Kinkead: I like “the head bald coach” but Gen Z probably doesn’t know who Steve Spurrier is)