Would you try to catch a Kyle Schwarber home run at 108.8 mph off the bat? This dad tried and failed miserably, which led to his kid throwing a fit and Phillies ushers saving the day:

Now I’m typically not a fan of pity balls, but to me this wasn’t a pity ball. This was a baseball that saved a marriage.

First off, should this guy probably have put the phone down and gotten into position instead of trying to backhand it? Of course. But it’s easy to play armchair fan when you weren’t in the position to make the play to begin with. To me, this dad is a hero. He probably spent $300 on tickets, dropped another $100 on merch and food his kids took two bites out of, and $25 on parking just so his kids could see the NLCS matchup in July. He knew he would have a small chance to catch a ball, but if somehow one came up there he was ready. Front row with his finest Bryce Harper Hawaiian shirt on. What he didn’t expect was that the only opportunity he would get would be a baseball that almost broke the sound barrier. The fact he even put his hands in the way of this projectile should earn him a Purple Heart.

Look at that mental anguish now that he realized the years of therapy bills are going to cost him a pool:

To make matters worse, his kid is wearing a Kyle Schwarber jersey. He had the opportunity to be a hero for the rest of his life. A story he and his boy would recall on his wedding day, the day of his first born, and likely on the day he took his final breaths.


The agony:

Now fast forward to his ungrateful kid. Waterworks city as his dad’s pinky two seats down looks like Brian Baldinger’s:

At this moment his poor father is getting roasted by all his buddies and this kid is mad that his father didn’t field a ball Rhys Hoskins couldn’t. This is the look of the guy who is contemplating whether it’s more worth it to take a header off the 200 level or sit in traffic with his wife and kids and feel that shame and guilt the entire way home.

Because he’s done forever. He’s lost every fight between him and his wife for the rest of his life. She has the ultimate trump card. Every time he forgets something she told him to do and the argument escalates she’ll break the glass in case of emergency. “Oh failed to remember? Like you failed catching that home run ball for Danny at the Phillies game and he cried?” Then she’ll twist the knife even further when she mentions how the hot neighbor down the street would’ve caught it just for the victory lap.

Love this guy yucking it up behind them with each tear the kid’s eye ducts produce:

I couldn’t be more team dad. He should’ve hauled off and suckered this guy to win back his family’s honor. I promise you if he would’ve done that there would’ve been a third child on the way that night for him to disappoint at a Phillies game six years from now.

Thank god for the usher. Get that guy whatever a guy bored in retirement so he decided to get a job at the stadium wants. He didn’t just make a kid’s day, he saved a family. He’s the reason that little Danny will graduate high school with no step-parents awkwardly in the pictures.

Can’t lie. Even my cold, dead heart teared up a little bit at this moment: