Finally, a topic that I can talk about with some expertise:

I’m not sure where this is. Looks very South Jersey, but could be Main Line (EDIT – looks like West Chester, will double check). Regardless, it’s very nice, a quality cross-cut that would make any dad proud. Certainly better than anything Ed Mangan and the Sod Father have ever come up with. If Landon Dickerson was in charge of the Super Bowl 57 surface, nobody would have been slipping around on the bullshit, overwatered Tahoma 31 grass.

That said, I’m unimpressed at the same time. Why? Because if you and I had five acres and nothing to do other than lift weights and pancake schlubs, we could mow straight lines across a huge, flat surface as well. Mowing this yard is like mowing #7 at Sawgrass. It’s a long, straight fairway with a dogleg towards the end.

To use a strength of schedule sports reference, you can only mow the lawn that’s in front of you, or that you purchase for hundreds of thousands of dollars. If you’ve got something large and something flat, then yeah, give it the Augusta National treatment. But if Dickerson wants a real challenge, I’ve got a challenge for him. Come to upper Montco or upper Bucks. Mow on a hill that’s got a couple of boulders sticking out of the ground. Zero turn your way around these annoying Locust trees, which drop their stupid little leaves everywhere:

Mowing this lawn takes skill. Only the most washed suburban dads can zero turn out here in the hinterlands. Landon Dickerson is too young and not disgruntled enough to take on a lawn that looks like this. He may have played his college football in the SEC, but cutting the grass on his current property is the SWAC and he’s Shedeur Sanders at Jackson State.


This is riding mower-off. Zero turn-a-palooza. Are you choosing Landon Dickerson, or a suburban dad with graying hair and a bad calf tattoo? That’s what I thought.