A Philadelphia legend has resurrected and he’s traded in his donkey for a 2007 Acura:

Philly Jesus.

How about this dude being a fucking HOSS now!

Jesus, Jesus – lay off the Body of Christ a little. What’s your blood made of nowadays?  Slurpees?

Honestly, getting in a Lyft with this guy would be my worst nightmare. I’d rather take the El than get in a car with this guy. A Church on wheels? Buddy just take me to the bar. There is no talking in the Lyft allowed, let alone preaching. This is a transactional relationship. I don’t want to hear you babble about how great thou art and I don’t want Gospel music blaring in my ear unless it’s Creed. If you’re not turning the water you’re storing back here into wine there is no way I want to hear “Jesus take the wheel” one time out of you. By the seventh “Hail Mary” Chris O’Connell was smiting the Eagles to hell for losing. Instead of covering a game in San Francisco he’s in a sedan with a guy who smells like Chili Cheese Fritos speaking in tongues:


You can probably tell I’m out on Philly Jesus. I think he’s the biggest fraud in a city full of them. He was once a satanic rapper hooked on heroin. That bit didn’t work, so he switched over to Philly Jesus. He started getting notoriety and kept up with the schtick. He’s a narcissist moonlighting as the Son of God. It was funny for a little and then he tried to raise $70 MILLION to start his own ministry and got arrested in LOVE Park and at an Apple Store. Then you remembered a dude who dresses up as Jesus and carries a giant cross around the city might not be all there:

My dislike for him will not let me lie to you and say that “I forgive you for trespassing against me!” isn’t a BAR!