I’m not gonna lie. Last night I was more excited for The Bachelor than Joel Embiid vs. Wemby. Bachelor got TV1 privileges and Joel Embiid’s 70-point performance got TV2 and I was glued to both. It’s not my fault Embiid goes and scores 70 on the same night one of my favorite episodes of every Bachelor season airs. The introduction episodes are a train wreck and some of the greatest television every year. You think you’ve felt emotion when the 7 foot prospect that we sucked many years for scores the most points in franchise history? It can’t compare to wanting to crawl out of your skin when you know a bit is going off the tracks and you gotta grit your teeth to get through it.

I’ll admit there weren’t many memorable performances like prior seasons. We had A LOT of dirty jokes, one girl sat in a umpire’s chair because this season’s bachelor is a tennis instructor from the Philly area, and ABC almost started an international conflict for blurring out the Canadian flag.

But the best first impression of course was done by another Philly girl, Lauren, just dominating Joey in shotgunning:

People have proposed in Jetro for less.

Some are trying to accuse Lauren’s can of being empty. The girl went to West Virginia, for god’s sake. 3.5 is the amount of time you get to chug to be accepted, not the GPA requirements. This isn’t her first rodeo. This is the difference between going to West Chester and West Virginia. You’re playing D2 ball while Lauren went D1. Nothing better than a girl you can take home to dad. Why didn’t Joey just save himself the trouble and film this season at McGillins?


If you know Lauren, email me. I’m trying to get her on the show tomorrow and I’ve got a lot of questions.